First Week of Advent, Wednesday (by Beloved)

Express in your journal how your actions have sometimes fallen short of God's expectation of you: Is there a word limit on these things? Isn't there a reason we say a generic prayer of confession and then move quickly to the Assurance of Pardon on Sundays?  I don't like thinking about all of the ways that my actions fall short of God's expectations.  And I'm supposed to be a pastor.  Sometimes imposter feels more like it.

The reality is that I am no more Christian, no more devout, holy, pure, Christlike, than those in the pews.  I struggle with the same old faults when I am supposed to be transformed.  I resist my calling to be a disciple who lives a life worthy of that calling and hide behind irreverence and humor to make it sound OK.

The devotion today says that we need to allow God's judgment to cleanse and free us for loving service.  I guess all I can do is pray that prayer.

God, in this time of expectation, help me to see and hear your expectations for me.  Forgive me and allow me to forgive myself for all of the ways that I don't live up to your expectations.  I await the Christ child, God with us, whose coming into the world makes that forgiveness possible.  Amen.