You Said Don't Be Afraid (Good Friday Meditation

It is finished?

It can’t be finished…It can’t be over

You said follow me and I did,
You said pray with me and I tried,
You said trust me and…well that one was hard.

How can I trust you now?
You were the one; you were the Christ, the Messiah, the one who fed us, who healed us, who challenged us

All that you said seems a lie,

You’re dead, just like the criminals next to you,
Just like all that have come before you,
You were executed just like your cousin John. He even said you were the one.

You were supposed to be different,
You were supposed to change everything
You were supposed to fix it.

You said don’t be afraid.

How can it be finished?

Do you know how hard it has been to stand with you?
Do you know all the trouble you’ve caused me?

I had to watch you on trial
I had to watch you be humiliated
I had to watch you take it
                        You didn’t even fight back
                                    You didn’t even stand up for yourself
I had to run for my own safety
I had to hide who I was
I had to watch you be whipped and beaten
            If you were who you said you were why didn’t you do anything?
                        And now you’re dead

What now?

I can’t go back
I can’t start over

You spoke of freedom but everywhere I look there are chains
You said don’t be afraid

I was supposed to have an easier life
I was supposed to have a seat at the table
I was supposed to be part of something.
I was supposed to be a part of the change
I was going to be special
I was going to be safe
            It was going to be easy
I was going to be able to be open about who I was

It was going to be different

You said don’t be afraid

But how can I not be afraid?

You’re dead
They won
And now they are coming for me.

I guess you’re right

It is finished.